Meet the NPCs of New Joysey: Fortune Teller, Now With Extra Marinara
Each week we’re pulling back the curtain (or in this case, the sticky vinyl arcade curtain) on one of the personalities you’ll encounter in Dimensional Double Shift’s upcoming content drop with New Joysey. Think of it as a cast introduction for the world’s weirdest reality show, except instead of competing for roses or prize money, they’re competing for who’s the most unapologetically New Joysey in DDS.
🌙 Meet the Fortune Teller
Step right up, sugarplum! Our first cast member has already seen this blog post in her crystal ball. Or maybe it was just on her half-broken flip phone. Anyhoo…
The Fortune Teller of New Joysey sees your future…and charges by the vision.
The Vibe Check
Occupation (on paper): Mystic advisor, palm reader, spirit whisperer.
Occupation (in reality): Boardwalk personality with strong opinions on seagulls, hair gel, and the quality of your aura (spoiler: it’s bad).
Off the Clock: Equal parts sassy aunt, tired neighbor, and Dracula if he worked at a pretzel stand.
Catchphrases We Absolutely Did Not Make Up
“You say superstition, I say commission. It all works out.”
“I foresee you fixing my car… and not bothering me with these pitiful questions.”
“I could read your palms, but they are so smooth. No lines at all.That… cannot be good.”
Reality Show Energy
If Nadja from What We Do in the Shadows rented a shack between a taffy stand and a tattoo parlor, this would be her. She’s not here to scam you, she’s here to roast you, curse your entire bloodline for sport, and still remind you to call your mother.
Final Thoughts
Is she the real deal? Not even close. But is she the boardwalk’s sassiest hype woman with an accent that’s been on vacation in every corner of Eastern Europe? 100%.
And that’s only the beginning. The Fortune Teller is just the first contestant in New Joysey’s lineup of loud, lovable, and slightly sticky NPCs. Stay tuned – next week we’re revealing who’s really running things behind the skee-ball machines.
Check out New Joysey in Dimensional Double Shift today for $4.99!